Gerald Fraller has seen better days. Gerald Fraller is a little down on life right now. Gerald Fraller is looking to turn his life around. Gerald Fraller is selling his soul. That’s right, his soul. This isn’t just some run of the mill eBay soul sale though. Buying Gerald’s soul means buying a contractual agreement that covers many parts of Gerald’s life, and lucrative parts at that. What kind of value does Gerald’s soul have? Well, I guess that all depends on the results of Gerald’s life, but here’s a run down of what’s included (in the words of Gerald):
- A clause, which entitles the buyer to a percentage of my taxable income for the rest of my life with a guaranteed minimum of $500.00 per year.
- A clause, which entitles the buyer to the right to chose the first name of all of my children. The name has to be gender specific and cannot contain profanity or derogatory words.
- A clause, which entitles the buyer to a percentage of profit ownership of any intellectual works that I create. The buyer will have no control over the direction of the works or how I manage or sell the works. They are just entitled to a % of the profit in addition to clause 1.
- A clause, which will require me to provide a report on each year of my life after the sale to the buyer on an annual basis.
- A clause, which leaves a percentage of my estate to the buyer in a legal and binding will.
- A clause, which stipulates that I must write a book, after the sale of my soul is finalized. I will have up to 2 years to complete the book after the contract is signed.
- A clause, which will require that I perform a set amount of community service each year.
- A clause, which requires that I donate blood a minimum of twice per year.
- A clause, which requires that I include organ donation in my will.
- A clause, which requires that I will plant a minimum of two trees per year.
- A clause, which provides the owner of my soul the option to pick the date of my wedding.
- A clause, which requires that I send the owner of my soul a birthday card and present every year on my birthday.
- A clause, which allows the owner of my soul to decide one new years resolution for me.
- A clause, which provides the owner of my soul the option to plan my wedding.
- A clause, which provides the owner of my soul the option to decide a message to be inscribed upon my tombstone.
- A waiver of recourse. I will sign away my right to dispute this contract in any way. The contract will be final and binding.
- A complete release of all liability to the buyer for any actions that I take during my possession of the soul.
- Penalties for failure to meet the clauses in the contract.
- A buy back clause. There will be a clause that allows me the option to buy back my soul for the price of $1,000,000.00.
- A clause, which allows for the owner, if said owner is not satisfied with the performance of my soul, to resell my soul at a price determined by the owner. The owner is entitled to 100% of the profit from the resale of my soul. However, any sale or transfer of my soul must receive my final approval.
So what are we talking in terms of dollars? Well, you’re contractually guaranteed $20,000, but if Gerald’s life goes as planned (his plan), your stake in his soul could be worth more than $100,000 over the course of his life. That’s not even counting the profits from intellectual works, the 80 pints of blood, the 80 trees, the 1600 hours of charity/public service, and the joys that come with knowing you own someone’s soul. Plus, part of the proceeds go to a good cause, so donate now for a chance to win Gerald’s soul, you never know when you might need an extra.
[Via: The Presurfer]
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